The air I breathe...

In one of John Cusack’s films, “Gross Point Blank”, Cusack’s character, Martin Blank, is a professional hit man, who goes back to his hometown for a high school reunion. He has been in therapy, mostly over dreams he’s been having, but also about his line of work. While at his high school reunion, he sees his old flame, who’s father he has actually been sent to knock off, as well as meets up with four or five different people who are trying to kill him, not to mention finding out that his mother has really lost her mind, and his childhood home has been made into a corner store with a moron of a clerk. In this crisis of self-identity/history/future/romance/life/death, Martin calls his therapist and asks for help. The therapist tells him to say out loud to himself, “This is me breathing.” As Martin leaves for his hotel room for his reunion, he takes a out a pistol, loads it and says out loud, “This is me breathing.”

I’ve often thought about this in my life, and this awareness of life has come up a lot in the past few weeks. During the time I was in Barcelona, I was able to meet twice with a psychiatrist the Covenant provides for missionaries. As intimidating as it was, it was really good. I am a very visual/audio processor, as in, when I dialogue with someone, I understand concepts a lot better that just thinking about them. After sharing with the group of missionaries that I wasn’t sleeping well, and felt like there were a zillion and one things on my mind, I met and chatted with the psychiatrist, who was able to quickly point out that I had a minor (though it would seem to me a major) problem with anxiety. One of her “prescriptions” was for me to memorize Matthew 6:25-34, the “do not worry” section of the Sermon on the Mount. Not only was I to memorize this, but I was to repeat it, to say it out loud, while memorizing it, especially for the purpose of calming me down, since when I hear things, they become, as it were, “more real”.

As I’ve spent the last week with this section of scripture, two things stand out to me. The first is that I/we are “valuable” to God (v. 26). The second is that “your heavenly Father knows you need them” (v.32). I think I needed to hear (again, for the umpteenth time) that I was valuable. In a land that is foreign to me and I am foreign to it, a lot of the time feeling like I have less than nothing to offer, I am valued. In a world that looks at the type of car you drive (or moto), the cell phone you have, the education you receive, how much money you make, when you’re heading in your future, etcetera, I am valued. As a sinner, not holy, constantly betraying the grace and love of my heavenly Father, and especially DEvaluing God and DEvaluing other and DEvaluing myself, I am valued. Whoa… And then the lump in the throat starts…

Hearing (yes, this also, for the umpteenth time) that my heavenly Father knows what I need, was strangely comforting and challenging. In one of the meetings, the psychiatrist asked me, “Don’t you think God knows what you need?” and “Don’t you think He wants what’s best for you?” and finally “Don’t you think it’s ok to let Him provide these promises for you?” And I had to say yes, of course, but I sure don’t want to! If raising support for this year was any indication, relying on God to fulfill His promises is one, if not THE, last thing I want to do. Just let me take care of it, I don’t need all this money/insurance/stipend/food/air/whatever. Just let ME go and do MY thing in Spain.

As the song goes: “So could you love this bastard child, though I don’t trust you to provide, with one hand in a pot of gold and other in your side…” Thank you Derek! I’ve quoted him often, and here is no different. I/we have been adopted into the Family, a Family with a heavenly Father, who loves me/us, cares for me/us like the birds and lilies, values me/us beyond anything, and knows what I/we need. As I say these words out loud, there is a part of me that is still desperately seeking to sabotage this promise, this truth. And another part of me, not of myself, but freely given to me, clings to this and won’t let go.

As I breathe these words from the Word, and say them out loud, glimpses of the “peace that passes understanding” begins to guard and keep my heart and soul, mind and body. I remember I’m not in this alone, that you all are praying for me and walking beside me at this time.

I also saw very clearly in Barcelona, the work of God in about five other countries. God is faithfully providing for the need of about twenty to thirty others that I was able to meet this last week. He does provide much more for us! And the whole time, it was right there in front of my face.

I have been sleeping much better since my return. I don’t feel like the weight of the STM in Spain is going to crush me, as well as the weight of what to do next (be it Jerusalem, Ecuador, Costa Rica, Timbuktu, Mars). I am here now, in the middle of a people movement, redeeming and reconciling people to Christ. What a place to be! It reminds me of the great thrill and privilege that was given to Lucy and Susan in “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe”: riding on Aslan’s back. Faster than they’d ever gone before, rushing through fields and mountains, bursting with spring, “possibly the best thing that happened to them while in Narnia”, rushing toward the White Witch’s castle to set the prisoners free. I’m starting to see and feel this is where I am, that God has, is, and will provide, that He values me enough to have asked me to come along on this ride.

A new Andrew Peterson song, “Little Boy Heart Alive”, speaks to this adventure more succinctly than I am able to:

“Take a ride on the mighty lion
Take a hold of the golden mane
This is the love of Jesus
So good but it is not tame

Come to the father
Come to the deeper well
Drink of the water
And come to live a tale to tell

Pages are turning now
This is abundant life
The joy in the journey
Is enough to make a grown man cry
With a little boy heart alive

Ever the road goes on and on…”

So, here I am. These are the promises of God, the ways that I see him working here, sharing, naming, proclaiming these stories, His stories, and His loving kindness.This is me breathing.

Thank you for your prayers. Regretfully, I hardly took pictures in Barcelona. I'll post some more later, as well as some up to date prayer requests. Right now, generally, please pray for my sleep, growth, language ability, and general. peace. Our church and youth are also going to be doing some "revisioning" soon. Please pray that our vision will be the LORD's, and we will have the courage, resources and spirits to follow Him wherever He leads. Thank you.

Grace and Peace,
Nate

Two weeks... Wow, who knew...

Well... Hi everyone... Sorry... I guess time flys when you're having fun and/or super busy.

A lot has happened in the past two weeks. We started out having visitors from Ecuador (one of which was originally from Sweden), the south of Spain and Colorado, all here to talk about church planting. During this time, Rob, and one of the other pastors of the church here went throughout Italy and ended up in Barcelona, also talking about church planting. It was amazing to see people from three continents all moving together, totally on fire for the same thing. Very awesome! Apparently there is a great need/desire/opening for protestant/evangelical churches in the mentioned areas, as well as the idea of youth churches! Wow! What does that even look like? I have no clue, but it’s a very exciting idea to me.

We finished up our last week of Alpha (pictured above), and gathered around and took a picture. There has been a few times that some of the people from Alpha have come to church, one man (besides the two people that had already come to know Christ) expressed a great desire to “return” to the LORD. He was at our weekly prayer meeting (Friday nights from 10pm-… whenever…), and then came to both services this last Sunday! This has been awesome to watch, as this man just happened to be in the bar where we were doing Alpha, and he thought he’d check it out, and now… We’ll see, but it’s all very exciting!

We also had a husband and wife come and stay for a few days in La Coruña to play music in various settings. It was a lot of fun to watch them work together, and share their gifts (and very talented gifts at that) with everyone here. One of the concerts they had was at a gypsy church “Living Water” (Agua Vida). I finally got to see the gypsy band play… It was quite the experience. Just a piano and drums, two female vocals and, of course, the Holy Spirit, and that place was a movin’ an’ a shakin’.

I was also asked to play my dulcimer at a wedding in a neighboring town, Santiago. The wedding was, basically, like any other wedding I’d ever seen. Apparently though, protestant/evangelical weddings aren’t done much in Spain, and so this wedding was very different from many which others had attended. Rob officiated the ceremony, and, from what I could understand, basically shared the Gospel with everyone from the marriage alter. It was pretty cool.

Now, what was even cooler was the eight course (yes, EIGHT course) meal that followed… I had more food at this wedding than… Well, any other wedding… And it was so good! Mostly seafood, the plates just kept coming. Before it was all said and done, I’d eaten myself silly, able to say I’d had a whole lobster, along with everything else, and three different desserts. The whole meal took about 5 hours. It was magical☺!

Well, apart from all the happenings, I’ve been able to improve my Spanish quite a bit. It’s nice to be able to say I understand most of what’s going on most of the time. After all of these events were over, I had about two days where I had my evenings free, and was able to catch up on some greatly missed, greatly needing reading time. I hadn’t really been able to sit down with a book (or three) and really read since I got here. It was so refreshing (and believe me, I never thought I’d say that books refreshed me).

I appreciate your continued prayer support. What with the business of the last few weeks, a lot of questions have been raised in my mind, mainly about church planting here, and further education (where, I have no clue, but it could be anywhere, from Fresno, to Chicago to Jerusalem). Since my mind has been “excited” by a lot of this, I tend to think a lot… Which means that I have trouble sleeping most nights. I know I need my rest, but my mind seems to have it’s own agenda when I’m ready for bed. In this I feel like Martha, rushing around, and I here Jesus saying, “Nate, Nate, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is important… Remember Mary? Do more of that.” So, we’ll see. However, I could definitely use your prayers for peace of mind. Thank you.

Well, as I write, it’s about 2:30am, and I need to get up in three hours for a six-day retreat in Barcelona. I already feel the need for it. We are actually all going, that is, the Covenant missionaries. I also get to help with the music there! I’m really excited, because the songs are in English! Please pray that we will all be able to rest and have a wonderful time of hanging out and encouragement with the other missionaries in Europe (I think there are about 30 people coming).

Oh! I can’t believe I almost forgot this! During our small group tonight, one of the bolts in a water pipe under the sink in Leah and Rebecca’s apartment broke off and water started going everywhere. We had a nice inch or so of water in about three-fourths of the apartment, and it started going into the hall to visit the neighbors. We were able to find the shut off for the water though, and about four or five neighbors came over and helped mop up. It was great! Please pray that Rebecca would be able to have the pipe fixed before she leaves on Saturday for Barcelona. Since we’re all gone, nobody will be at the apartment, and it would be great to have that fixed before she left to join the rest of us. As it is now, she can’t use any water.

Well, thank you again for reading and praying. I will try to be more consistent with posting. I hope and pray you all are well. Blessings!